A Change of Heart
by NoLove10
Summary: Piper went back to Alex after she realized what a mistake it was to leave her in Paris in the first place. Will things change for the better or does it just get worse in the aftermath? Multi-chapter.
1. Chapter 1

As Piper unpacked her bags at Polly's condo, she couldn't help but feel the guilt weighting over her head. Since she got back from Paris a couple hours ago and told Polly exactly what went down, Polly hasn't been the least bit judgmental about it all. It was probably because she wanted to be a good girlfriend who has her back in times of suckiness. However, Piper just really wanted someone to yell at her and tell her what a big mistake she made but that wasn't happening and it just made her feel so much more stupid and heartless.

Finally sighing, she threw the folded piece of clothing on her hand on the bed as she sat down. Polly who had been watching by the door finally walked in and handed Piper of cup of latte.

"It's killing you inside, isn't it?" She stated the obvious.

Piper released an uncomfortable gasp. "Yeah. Kinda." She replied.

Leaving Alex isn't exactly something she wants to celebrate at the moment. (Not that she's saying any breakup should be celebrated for the matter). But it just sucks though and she already missed being Alex Vause's girlfriend. After all, they were been together for three strong years and to just throw it away like that all because she didn't want to pass security with a bag for her at a stupid airport was totally ridiculous.

"You want my shrink-y or best friend opinion?" Polly asked.

Piper shrugged. "Shrink-y?"

Polly smirked. "For once they're the same." She said.

Piper managed to muster a chuckle. "That's a first."

"Look, I think what you did was fucked up." Polly said truthfully. "I mean, we both know that Alex Vause isn't my favorite person in the world no matter how hot you are for her or how rich and vibrant she is but this time I have to be on her side."

"Ah," Piper groaned. "You're making this harder than it already is."

"What? I'm just saying. The girl's mother died for God's sakes Piper!" Polly reasoned. "Whatever reason you guys broke up shouldn't get in the way of you being a friend to her and be there for her while she's going through a devastating time like this."

Piper realized that she made a mistake and it made it even more difficult to get Alex's broken face out of her head as she walked out on her in Paris.

It's freaking ironic how it went. Paris is supposed to be the land of love and whatnot. Yet she ended an amazing ride of three years with Alex over some stupid immature fight right around the time she learned that her almost-mother-in-law had passed away. What kind of person is she?

"I'm just saying." Polly continued, snapping Piper out of her thinking haze. "It's fucked up that you walked out on her like that."

Polly wasn't the person whose judgment can be clouded. She tells it like it is. Sure she's not exactly best buddies with Alex Vause, nor will she ever be, but she knew when shit was wrong and had to call bullshit on it. Piper's been her best friend for as long as she can remember and she's seen Piper at her worse and at her best. For the past three years, ever since Piper met Alex Vause, she's been jealous of the relationship they have because quite honestly it was beautiful and even the blindest person could tell. Maybe their relationship might've ended because they wanted different things at the moment, but Polly wasn't about to let Piper throw away a friendship too.

"What you did to her makes the biggest convict in a state prison look like an amateur. You walked out on her when her mother passed. That's really fucking cold for someone like you, Pipes."

Piper tapped her feet on the floor in a panicky mode as she bit her lips anxiously. "What do you think I should do?" She asked.

"Fix it." Polly said.

"No shit." Piper scoffed sarcastically.

Polly shrugged. Sure she's good at giving advice but it doesn't mean she's good at coming up with the solutions.

_It's because most of the time she's not._

"I don't know." Polly ran her fingers through her brown hair. "Call her?"

"She won't answer me." Piper said knowingly.

She knows Alex and if what she did was as bad as _"fucked up and cold"_ as Polly puts it, then she knew that Alex would be holding that grudge against her for the rest of her life.

That'd be way too fucked up but she'd probably deserve it.

"Then I don't know." Polly said. "If I was her I wouldn't either."

Piper shook her head in disapproval of the comment. "Not helping Harper."

"Send her flowers with a long apology card." Polly tried again with a roll of her eyes. She hated it when people called her by her last name so unexpectedly.

That could work but Piper suddenly had something better in mind. If she was going to apologize for being so cruel in Paris, she better had something better than flowers and a card. She better had something fucking brilliant to prove how sorry she truly was.

Alex was never really close to Piper's family but it was the contrary for Piper. She's always been close with Alex's family because unlike her family, Alex's family wasn't always so fucking judgmental.

"I got something better." She winked as she reached for her phone.

With fingers crossed, she dialed Alex's aunt's number hoping for her to answer. Piper was also hoping that if Alex was already home for the funeral, she wouldn't have told her aunt about their breakup. She couldn't deal with the southern woman at the moment.

When she finally picked up at the second ring, Piper felt her breath quicken.

"Hi Ms. Vause. Yes. It's Piper— Alex's girlfriend."

She wasn't even sure she was fit to even call herself that anymore after what she did.

She listened to the woman over the phone with agony in her heart.

"Yeah, Alex told me. I'm very sorry for your loss." Pause. "I was hoping to come down to Louisiana for the funeral. Alex and I had to split up in Paris but I'm sure I can make it on time for the funeral on Friday."

A contented smile crossed her lips as she listened again for the address. It's been a while since she's been up to Louisiana. It's not like she memorized the address on the few times she's been over.

"Please don't tell Alex if I'll be over? Thanks. Once again, I'm sorry for your loss Ms. Vause."

Piper hung up the phone and released a relieved breath. "I guess I'm going to Louisiana."

Polly smiled at her best friend. "I'm proud of you, Pipes."

"Thanks." Piper smiled back sadly. "I just wished I hadn't done it at all now. She begged me stay and come with her but I still left."

It was really getting to Piper when she realized how fucked up her decision was. She doesn't even know how she would feel if the shoe was on the other foot and Alex had abandoned her when her mother passed.

"Can I use your laptop?" She asked.

"Sure."

Polly exited Piper's room only to come back a few minutes later with the laptop and it's charger in her hands.

"There you go." Polly handed her the laptop. "I'm gonna leave you to it. I'll be in the living room if you need me."

With a nod of her head, Piper logged online and tried to find tickets to get to Louisiana as soon as possible.

The tickets were hella expensive, but it wasn't even a problem for Piper at the moment. She would just use Alex's credit card number to pay for any expenses she makes for that trip because well, to be honest, she was still mad at Alex despite her change of heart to go be with her in Louisiana and because she also knew the credit card number in the first place.

"Oh no." Piper mumbled.

Seeing as though it was Wednesday, she couldn't find any tickets available for the next day the latest. If she was going to get to Louisiana on time for the funeral, she'd have to leave New York as soon as possible.

But it was either Friday morning or nothing at all.

So she made a smart choice and booked the ticket anyways because she would really hate to be on the list of people that Alex hates.

The list was already too long enough for one more person.

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_I hope you guys liked this first chapter. Please review and let me know what you guys thought. I would love to post the next chapter as soon as possible but that will all depend on you guys so leave me your feedbacks. Thanks! _


	2. I'm Here

**Warning: This chapter is dark and usage of drugs and alcohol is heavily mentioned.** **And language too.**

_Thank you for all the reviews. I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint._

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Anything that deals with emotions was never her strong suit. Even though being in a relationship required emotional string it was normal because most of the time it didn't and that was different. Landing in Louisiana for the past five hours, Piper Chapman had a lot to see of the southern suburb where her lover grew up.

The food there… Oh, it was absolutely amazing. She couldn't complain about that. However, that's not the real reason she was in town. She was here to do her part for the evening and then bounce back to New York to go live on with her life.

But how many times does one get a moment in life and point to it to say, "Yeah. I seen that coming"?

Unlike most funerals, this was none-less different. It was a respectful ceremony with only close friends and family in a cemetery. It was kept very low-key. Piper stood from far apart and watched the whole thing go down and it brought tears to her eyes seeing how devastated Alex was.

She's never seen Alex cry about anything because she simply didn't. Period.

But there was a first for everything after all. Seeing Alex lose it over that tombstone was probably more painful than any bullet wound for Piper and she wishes there was something she could do to make it feel better but she knew the only thing that would make Alex feel better is if she lets it all out and say goodbye.

So she left. She figured that when Alex was ready, she would just meet her at her aunt's house and they could go from there and she could offer her sincerest condolences.

She took a cab back to Alex's aunt like she planned to. The kind woman bond with her and caught up with her over herbal tea and a warm, delicious piece of apple pie with whip cream.

Piper wasn't aware that Alex had told her aunt that things were over between them but apparently she did. And when Alex's aunt, Lindsey brought up the subject, Piper was waiting for hell to break lose but apparently, she seemed fine with it all. Piper guessed it was because the woman was still in mourning the loss of her beloved sister.

The last thing she wanted was to bring drama.

It wasn't until the clock was ticking towards ten o'clock-ish did Piper started to get worry. I mean she knows that Alex is a mess right now but it'd been over four hours and she doesn't assume that Alex would stay in that cemetery for so long.

That would just be freaky.

"I can try and go find her." Piper suggested to Lindsey.

The woman sat in her rocking chair with her glasses on next to the fireplace knitting a blanket. "Sweetheart, Louisiana is big as small as it is. I'm sure Alex is just fine." Lindsey said. "She needs to cope. She'll be back."

Piper had a gift. She could sense when things were wrong and right now, a gut feeling of hers was telling her that something wasn't right with Alex and she needed to find her.

"I know, but I can't shake the feeling." Piper said. "Just in case, I'm gonna go out and see if I can reach her on her cell."

Lindsey nodded. "Best of luck." The southern woman wished. "I'll be seeing you, sweetheart."

Piper left with no destination in mind. Just randomly wondering the streets hoping she would bump into Alex by some miracle.

As she walked she couldn't help but ask the questions. Where would someone go if they were mourning a loss and wanted to be alone?

Some people have different preferences but Alex wasn't most people. In times like this, she's looking for comfort and she won't want to be alone because she's infinitely scared of being left alone. Heck for all she knows, Alex could be half way around the world in Mexico drunk on coronas and margaritas. Heck, she could've gotten her face tattooed and adopted a damn monkey. Alex wasn't most people and that's what made everything difficult yet exciting with her.

Piper must've gone to at least four bars in the last hour, just looking for her but all along, she hasn't been searching at the right bar.

Until it hit her. When she first came here to Louisiana with Alex to meet her mother, Alex took her to this lesbian strip club/bar. It was supposed to be her twenty fourth birthday present and because Alex wanted to prove a point to her.

Don't ask what happened because that's a long story to break down.

"Strike two here I come."

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When Piper walked in the club/bar, she felt so out of place. She guessed it's because she's gotten so used to the exotic shit over the years that naked women walking around and dancing in thongs didn't really fancy her anymore. (Unless it was Alex of course.)

She spotted her at the bar looking completely motionless. She was just sitting there almost as if she was waiting for some horrible nightmare to be over so she could wake up from it and have everything be better.

It broke Piper's heart into a million pieces.

She was about to walk towards Alex at the bar but some tall man beat her up to it. Not that she thought that Alex suddenly changed sexuality and switched to boys but the way he grabbed her hands and she let him as she smiled sadly at him made her question what she was seeing.

It was for two short seconds and then the guy vanished. She watched Alex looked around and shove whatever it was in her pocket.

She might be from Connecticut but she grew up in Brooklyn and she's done seen those things way too many times to understand what happened.

Piper couldn't believe it.

Finally gaining the courage, she walked towards her at the bar and tapped on her shoulders.

"I appreciate the love tonight sweetheart but I'm not in the mood to fuck."

Piper raised her eyebrows. Whoever that rejection was meant for, she definitely felt sorry for the person.

"Get over yourself." She spoke to make her presence known.

Alex might've been drunk. Heck too drunk to make any good decisions but not enough that she wouldn't recognize Piper's voice.

She turned around and stared at the blonde woman with red, puffy eyes.

"Oh it's you."

It wasn't at all what Piper was expecting.

"What are you doing here, Alex?" Piper asked.

Alex chuckled with a shrug. "I could ask you the same blondie." She replied. "You're the last person I expected to see here after you ditched me in Paris. City of love they say, hunh? So full of shit! Urgh!" She brought her drink to her lips and took a sip. "You know what you need to do; you need to have some fun Chapman."

_Preserve some self control, Piper. Control your temper._

"Can I buy you a drink? Am I still allowed to do that?"

"No, actually I'm fine." Piper declined.

She really wasn't going to sink down to Alex's level at the moment.

"Boohoo!" Alex screeched. "This is called an entertainment place. If you're not here to drink and have a good time, you don't belong!"

She stood up rocking, almost falling on her heels as she burst out in giggles.

"Attention everyone!" Alex yelled.

A few people around her turned to look but she wanted the whole club's attention so she broke a glass.

"Alex, you're causing a scene." Piper whispered embarrassingly.

"Everyone, this is my friend," Alex begin. "Tonight is her birthday so does anybody here wanna show some love and shower her with birthday drinks and a good lap dance?"

Well let's see, when you think of Piper Chapman, who wouldn't jump on that offer. She's a beautiful, hot blonde with blue-grey eyes (definitely a ten for a lot of the guys and lesbians in this place who are into blondes.) Though she's not exactly the muscle building type of girl, she definitely had a killer body and she has many hidden talents.

"First drink here." Some really rusty red bearded guy from the back yelled.

Shit.

…

Once again, Piper let Alex get to her. Here she was, trying to get out of this place but she was so surrounded by people, she could hardly breathe. The more the drinks came, the louder it became. She found herself doing body shots against stripper's body and it was all part of her fake birthday.

The music made the whole place vibrate and she was starting to feel really dizzy.

At some point, she managed to grab Alex and drag her out of that place because there was no way in hell she was just gonna leave her there wasted as she was. Once outside breathing fresh air, Piper felt much better and the fainting sensation passed away. She just wanted to kill Alex at that point.

"Why did you do that?" Piper asked.

Alex ran her hand over her face. She could see the street lights but they were slightly blurry even with her glasses on. She felt like her whole world was spinning around.

"You're an asshole. You deserved it."

To that Piper made no comment. She had it coming.

"Give it to me." Piper asked nicely.

"Are you on something?" Alex mocked. "Give what to you?"

She was giggling nonstop and it just irritated Piper.

"What that guy gave you at the bar. I saw it." Piper said. "Alex, give it to me."

Alex shrugged. "I don't know what you thought you saw."

Piper stepped closer to her and wrapped an arm around her neck as she looked into her eyes. "You're sure you wanna lie to me?" She asked.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Alex repeated.

"Okay." Piper whispered. "If you say so babe."

She captured Alex's lips, catching her off guard. Naked lips danced against each other in the winter-y night under the streetlights and the moon. The wind hit their faces, blowing their hair back as adrenaline rush over them, extremely intoxicated from the amount of alcohol they've both consumed.

The moans, the aggression, the rush of adrenaline was enough for both of them to have each other in the middle of the street but with the slightest bit of mind control Piper still possessed, she knew better as she sneaked her hands into Alex's pockets on her way down her waist.

She felt the small little package wrapped in a zip lock bag and took it out just as slowly as she reached for it.

Piper pulled away just as instantly and looked Alex in the eyes with disappointment written in her eyes.

"What?" Alex asked, puzzled.

"You lied to me, Alex." Piper's tone turned cold and serious as she waved the bag in front of Alex's face. "You made me look like a fool here."

"Give it back Piper." Alex said.

"So you can do what?" Piper asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I paid that guy a hundred and fifty dollars for this, Piper." Alex told her. "Give it back or-"

"Or what?" Piper stepped in closer to her. "What are you gonna do?"

"Give my shit back, Piper." Alex repeated one last time.

Piper squeezed the small little bag in her hands. It was just this small little thing in a plastic wrapper yet it was enough to fuck up her life for good. She couldn't help but blame this on herself.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Alex?" Piper raged. "Drugs? Fucking drugs, Alex? I mean I knew you imported them but what the fuck?"

"You're one to talk." Alex spit back.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Piper asked.

Alex shook her head in disbelief. "Fuck you, Piper." She paced back and forth in front of Piper, feeling the need to puke her guts out.

"This could kill you, Alex!" Piper spoke through gritted teeth angrily.

"Like you'd care."

Piper panicked. "Oh my God, this is my fault." She said as she ran her fingers through her hair. "I did this."

"My mother fucking died, Piper." Alex reminded her. "You fucking left me after I begged you to stay."

"So you go and try to do drug?" Piper questioned. "God, this is a fucking nightmare."

"Can you please stop freaking out?" Alex asked. "You freaking out is freaking me out and it makes me wanna puke."

"Alex I'm so sorry." Piper grabbed her hands.

This time, she really fucked up. She didn't know how to make this right.

"I fucking needed you Piper." Alex cried, finally allowing herself to break in front of Piper. "I just wanted you to stay. I didn't want to use the fact that my mother passed to keep you with me so if you thought that that's what my intensions were when I begged you to stay, then you're really a fucking horrible person and I fucking hate you." She wiped the tears with the back of her hands and sniffled. "My mother was important to me, Piper and you knew that. Still you chose to fucking leave. I wanted you to be my fucking friend and stick by my side and help me through this shit like you were supposed to!"

Tears escaped Piper's eye as she pulled Alex in her arms for a hug. She stroked the back of her neck and ran her hands up and down her back.

"I fucking needed you." Alex sobbed in the crook of Piper's neck to muffle her cries.

"I'm here now." Piper reassured her. "I'm here, okay? And I'm not going anywhere."

They pulled away and wiped each other's tears away.

"What can I do?" Piper asked genuinely concerned. "What do you need?"

"I just wanna go to sleep." Alex murmured. "Just take me back to my hotel."

Piper called for a cab and together they waited outside, sitting on the sidewalk careless if people were judging or not.

At this point Alex didn't really care. She's a drunk lesbian whose mother passed away. Judge if you must but she was also very agitated and emotional. If anybody messed with her, she didn't know what she would do.

Their taxi arrived about fifteen minutes later and Piper helped the tall brunette get in safely without bumping her head and cause herself a bad concussion.

Alex exhaustingly laid her head against Piper's shoulder and breathed into the smell her walnut-coconut shampoo hair.

Piper kissed her cheek and squeezed her hands, letting her know that she was there for her in case she had any doubt in mind.

"I got you."

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Alex checked back into her hotel shortly after the taxi dropped them at the motel. It wasn't exactly their suite in Paris but it was comfortable and affordable for the night and that's all that mattered.

Alex just wanted to knock out and forget about everything that's happened for a while. She was drunk and she probably won't remember half the shit she did or said tonight in the morning but those words came out, those actions happened and she couldn't take it back sadly.

Piper undressed her and got her a cup of water before tucking her in safely and comfortably. Once she made sure Alex was alright and comfortable enough, she had something to get rid off so she got up from the bed to make her way to the bathroom when the sound of her voice stopped her.

God, Piper couldn't believe how scared Alex was of being alone in that exact moment.

"Where are you going? Don't you fucking leave me, Piper!"

Piper turned back to look at her with a look of reassurance on her face.

"I'm just going to the bathroom to freshen up." She said. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll be back in two seconds, okay?"

Alex nodded. "Okay."

Piper went in the bathroom and changed into something less tight like one of the cotton bathrobe in the bathroom. She put her hair in a messy ponytail, washed the makeup off her face and stared back at her reflection in the mirror.

Tonight, she wasn't proud of the person she saw. Not one bit.

She put the toilet seat up and dumped the powder from the small zip lock bag in the toilet and flushed it down. Something so self destructive shouldn't exist at all and it's so sad that it does.

She went back to bed to Alex and lie on the right side of the bed with a small distance between them.

"Are you okay?" Piper asked.

Alex replied with a nod of her head as she moved closer against Piper's body. She needed to have skin on skin contact with her for comfort.

She untied Piper's robe and urged her to get rid of it completely until she was just only left in her under garments just as she was.

"Alex-"Piper begin to protest.

Alex looked up at her with nothing but gratefulness in her eyes. "I just want to feel your skin against mine." She told her. "I'm not gonna try anything funny. I promise."

Though Alex didn't know where she stood with Piper, the last thing she actually wanted to do at the moment is have sex.

"Is that okay?" She asked. "Please?"

Piper smiled at her and nodded. "Come here."

She pulled Alex's body completely against hers and let the tall woman lie against her chest. Though she was obviously smaller than Alex was, tonight, she didn't seem to mind the skin on skin contact.

At that moment more than any other time, Piper felt closer to Alex than she ever has in the last three years because this was beyond love making or any sensual kiss.

This was real emotion. This was Alex letting her guard down and allowing herself to be vulnerable and taken care of by someone else.

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_Well this is it for this chapter. In some part I don't feel so strongly about this chapter but hopefully you guys still enjoyed it regardless. Your feedbacks are important so please leave a review and let me know what you guys thought about it. _


	3. Better

She woke up the next morning with a massive hangover in a dark room. Normally Alex is very responsible about her drinking but last night was one of those nights she said _"fuck it"_ and now she was regretting it big time.

As she rolled over, she realized that she was alone and a part of her soul ripped apart because she could've sworn that last night she fell asleep in Piper's arms. She looked around the hotel room for her everywhere but finding her was impossible, which brought her to think that maybe she was hallucinating. Need and alcohol have a pretty good way of making someone feel like they've lost their freaking mind.

But when she walked in the room with two cups of coffee and a brown bag, Alex blinked as she let out a breath of relief. She was so paranoid, thinking that Piper might have left her once again. She's never this self-conscious. She pinched herself to get a grip.

"Good morning, sunshine." Piper approached her closer on the king seized mattress. "How's that hangover treating you?"

"If you're here to rain on my alcoholic-almost-junky-ish parade-" Alex begin defensively.

Piper rolled her eyes at her with a smug smile across her lips. "Nah. That, I'll do later." She placed the things in her hand on top of the drawer and pulled Alex in her arms.

Gently stroking the brunette's hair, Piper looked down at a confused Alex before bringing her lips down against hers. Last night Piper came across this side of Alex she's never seen before and she was glad she got to see it. Alex Vause let herself be seen vulnerable and broken. That never happens and to Piper, it was a breakthrough for their relationship. (At least what was still left of it.)

It just felt really great to be needed for one night.

Pulling away, Alex was ten times more confused about what had just happened. She sat up on the bed and reached for her glasses to get a sense of reality back. She knows that she was pretty hammered last night but…

"She kissed me." Alex noted.

Piper smiled.

"And she's smiling at me." She added.

Piper rolled her eyes. "You know, for a person who's supposed to be mourning, you got jokes."

"And she made an offensive joke." Alex said. "Okay. How fucked up did I get last night and who did I kill for you?"

"Sadly, we didn't get to the killing part." Piper chuckled. "But I gotta say, you were pretty fucked up. Dancing on bars and shit… it was entertaining to see the famous Alex Vause make a fool of herself."

"Oh boy." Alex put a hand against her throbbing head as she reached for one of the cups of coffee on the drawer. "What do I have to pay for you to forget that?"

"I'm fucking with you." Piper burst out in laughter.

_Immature._ Alex thought.

"Ha, ha, ha. Look who's got jokes now." She smirked.

A moment of silence passed between them. A very needed moment of silence and it was then that everything seemed clear to Piper again. She spent all night up last night watching Alex sleep and thinking about how this morning will be… what she will say or do but now that it was there, the only thing she wanted more than apologize for her behavior in Paris was to hug Alex and never let go.

She just never realized how special Alex truly was to her until last night when she caught the brunette with heroin in her hands about to get herself higher than the empire state.

"I fucked up Alex." Piper begin.

Alex raised her eyebrow. "Oh?" She stated, clearly seeming confused.

"I should've never left you in Paris." Piper said.

Alex sighed. "Okay." She took a sip of her black coffee before setting the cup back on the drawer. "Listen Piper, it happened okay? I'm the type of person who doesn't live in the past. You felt like you couldn't be with me anymore because of the danger my life style brought and you left. I don't have crap to give you about that. Sure I wished you didn't because I was going through an all time low. I had just hit my rock bottom, finding out my mother had passed and then my girlfriend suddenly dumps me, more like abandoned me. Shit happens, Pipes. I'm not holding anything against you. And whatever I did to make you feel pitiful towards me, I want you to know that it was just a moment of weakness and I don't want that to hold you back if you still decide you don't want to be with me anymore." She explained. "I love you too much to be selfish, kid."

Still so shocked at her choice of words, Piper couldn't help but be mesmerized. Really, that last part did it for her.

"No." Piper shook her head calmly. "It wasn't just a moment, Alex."

"What do you mean?" Alex asked.

Here she was, giving Piper a free way to still walk out and she was making this a lot more confusing for her. Alex didn't get it.

"First of all, you out of all people know I'm never pitiful and quite frankly it hurts that you would say that." Piper said. "And that "_moment of weakness_ "you had, I wished I got that a long time ago, Alex." She revealed. "We'd been together for three years, sixteen days and couple of hours and during those times, do you know how many times I've felt inferior to you?"

Alex shook her head in hesitation. "I'm sorry, Pipes." She apologized. "Why didn't you ever tell me that?"

"Because I wanted you to give me something back in return Alex and I knew that wasn't going to happen then." Piper replied. "I was always the emotional invested one, you know? And I'm not even talking about it in a sexual way. Being so different from you always made me feel weak because you're Alex Vause, you know? You don't let people in easily so they never see you vulnerable. Not even me."

Oh, fuck.

"Okay?" Alex scratched her eyebrows, only because of how uncomfortable she felt about this particular subject.

"All I'm saying is, seeing you last night the way you were made me feel like I wasn't so weak after all." Piper said.

"Okay, let me get this straight. I'm one of the weak ones now?" Alex questioned.

Piper chuckled.

"Cause' if I am, I'm banning alcohol completely out of my life."

Piper chuckled again as she looked into Alex's dark eyes with intensity. "Alex, you're far from being weak." She said. "Heck you're not weak at all and I love that about you. That lets me know that in times of thunder and storms, I can count on you." She smiled. "I've always known that I could count on you which is why I feel even more stupid now."

"You've officially lost me." Alex said.

"You just want me to say it don't you?" Piper snapped irritatedly.

Alex chuckled. "I don't know what you're talking about, Piper." She cocked her head at the look on Piper's face. "And don't give me that look."

"What look?" Piper scoffed.

"That fucking look you always give me like I'm guilty of something." Alex replied.

"Oh, and you say I'm self-centered?" Piper bit back.

Alex shrugged. "Well, you kinda are." She murmured under her breath.

"Okay. That's it. You ruined it for me." Piper said as she begin to rise up from the bed. "Have a nice breakfast."

"Jesus fucking Christ, Piper…" Alex sighed.

She reached for the blonde woman's arms just as she was about to walk out of the bedroom.

"C'mon. I'm sorry, okay?" She apologized sincerely. "I wanna hear what you have to say."

Piper sat back down and held Alex's hand. She released a deep breath as she look back into Alex's eyes.

"I was wrong." She said. "I need you in my life Alex just as much as you need me even though you don't always say it."

Alex didn't know how to react to that piece of information but her heart was doing back flips in her chest. Since her mom passed, this is the only source of happiness she's felt. Hearing those words meant the world to her but Piper was forgetting one thing.

"Pipes-"

Piper silenced her with a finger against her lips. "I'm not asking you to change who you are or what you do. Heck I'm not even asking you to take me back."

Alex shook her head with a smile plastered across her lips. "Ah, yes you are."

"Unbelievable." Piper whispered.

Alex nodded. "I'm aware."

She pulled Piper in for a kiss, cutting her short of anything else she thought of saying. Their lips moved together in sync, tongue tracing each other's lips and hands reaching for familiar places that reminded them of old times.

"Does this feel familiar?" Piper asked in a whisper against Alex's lips as they come up short of breath.

Alex nodded. "Not quite. Let's try this again." She teased as she claimed Piper's lower lips between her teeth.

"How about now?" Piper asked again.

"Almost." Alex smiled.

They pulled away smilingly. Maybe what they say is true. Everything does happen for a reason and sometimes it can't be justified no matter how you flip and turn it but in all bad situations, something great comes out of it.

"I know what you did from day one and that didn't stop me from staying away from you one bit." Piper begin again. "Sure your arrogance and charm had something to do with it but I still could've chosen to walk away then and I didn't. I decided to stay."

Alex nodded with a smile. "I'm glad you did." She said honestly as she pushed a stray of blonde locks behind Piper's ears.

God knows Piper's been such a good influence in her life. Sometimes, Alex doesn't even think that Piper knows how much of a mess she was before she came along and she blames herself for that for not making that clear.

"I'm glad I did too." Piper agreed. "And like I said, I don't expect this to be easy on you. I know it's hard even when it's fun. It's clear to me that you love what you do and you take pride in it but I'd like to stay away from that as much as possible."

"That's perfectly fine, Pipes." Alex said. "It was never an obligation to you. You could've said _no_ the first time."

Piper nodded. "I know I could've, but I did it because I genuinely wanted to help and I wanted to make you happy." She revealed. "Until I knew how dangerous it all actually was." She added. "But now I'm saying I don't ever, ever want to do anything like that again."

"Crystal clear."

Alex knows what her line of work is and quite frankly, she didn't want Piper involved in that whole shenanigan. This shit, smuggling drugs, traveling, seeing the world and making a shitload of money, while it may be exciting for her, it's also dangerous and the last thing she wanted is for Piper to be involved in it.

For her, it's no big deal at all considering she's been doing it ever since she dropped out of college. She knows the business and how it works but Piper doesn't and she guessed somewhere along the way, she forgot that Piper was his girlfriend and not one of her mules.

It's just that Piper agreed to do it once and she took advantage of that by asking way too many times. So in other words, she can admit when she's wrong.

"I'm not ever gonna ask you to do stuff like that anymore." Alex promised. "If you go on a trip with me, it's just gonna be for you to keep me company. It's not like I want you involved in shit like that either."

"Good." Piper smiled.

She was just glad they were on the same page and compromising.

"And on my part, I'm gonna put in a little more effort in understanding certain things and not ask too many questions even when they seem fuzzy sometimes." She said.

"I appreciate that, Pipes." Alex leaned in and pecked her lips.

"Promise me that this time it's going to be different." Piper begged.

She couldn't help it. Giving everything she has to Alex Vause is something that she's never been able to control ever since they got together and she doesn't think she ever will.

"Almost like it used to be when we first got together." She murmured.

"Mhm," Alex nodded, "Almost."

"I know what it's like to be caught up in the real world and forget about the most important things in life." Piper said. "The real world continues to move on regardless. People come and go but when they're gone-gone, they don't come back, Alex." She continued. "I guess what I'm saying is, this time around, if you could pay as much attention to me as you pay to your work, things will be better."

"Oh, Pipes." Alex sighed.

She was disappointed in herself. Those words made her realize how much of a shitty girlfriend she's been this last year. She really wasn't always like that with Piper. Always so invested in her work.

They used to have fun, you know? They used to do shit together as a couple.

And it's not so much that they stopped loving each other because clearly if they did, they wouldn't be having this conversation. Somehow, Alex felt where Piper was coming from and maybe she would've resented Piper for the rest of her life if Piper didn't show up last night when she did but now it doesn't even really matter anymore.

Her work is important truly. She's basically married to her job and she loves it.

But when someone's gone, they really don't come back and she knows that because her mother passed. The last thing they did together was go horse-back riding almost five months ago and she so desperately wished she had more time to have one last dinner with her mother. One last laugh or smile…

She just wished she had more time to properly said goodbye to her mother, but everything was just so sudden.

It made her realize that she'd hate it if Piper eventually ran out of chances to give her and leaves for good next time.

Last time she did that, they both knew how it ended up. She almost snorted powder up her nose or injected herself with some poisonous chemical.

She doesn't even know what the hell she was thinking. She makes a terrible junky anyways.

It's just all too fucked up.

But that's life. People get knocked down to come back up even stronger than before and that's how they learn from mistakes.

Alex definitely got it now, which made her even more determined to do better this time.

"Things will be different, kid."

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_Well this is it! I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and I'm looking forward to post the next chapter as soon as possible. Please review and let me know what you thought! Feedbacks are appreciated._


	4. Grief

It was just one of those cool winter afternoons and Alex found herself sitting in her basement going through a few boxes that her aunt had packed of stuff that once belonged to her mother. Normally she's not the type to linger onto things and let pain eat her alive but this time was different.

She knew she wasn't always perfect in her transition into adulthood but if there's one thing she was always grateful for, it was the bond and relationship she had with her mother. She never had a father so therefore, not having her mother anymore is more than she could bargain for and her loss hit her harder when she was going through those boxes more than it had when she was at the cemetery.

Everything from her baby pictures down to the first book she ever read of Julius Caesar was in that box. Her mother wasn't always around twenty four seven but she was there when she needed the most.

It was just hard to sit there and pretend like it was easy to let go. Nothing… nobody that mattered is ever easy to let go and that was the cold truth.

"Trip down memory lane?" Piper quietly asked as she marched down the stairs of the basement towards Alex.

"Yeah."

She took a sit on the floor next to her maybe-ex-girlfriend-but-still-girlfriend and ran her hand up and down Alex's back.

"Everything's gonna be okay." She sympathized. "Just breathe."

Alex chuckled when she came across a picture of the two of them from a couple years ago and the vivid, happy memories that it brought made it feel as though someone reached deep into her soul and just shattered her world all over again.

"Do you remember this?" She asked.

Piper mastered a small chuckle with a nod. "Of course I remember." She grabbed the picture from Alex's hand and smiled. "Your mother was a rock star."

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_Flashback_

_Things had been going great between them for a year now and though they were still on the honeymoon phase and getting to know each other, things were getting serious between the two of them. Serious enough that Alex Vause was sure Piper was the one and worthy enough of meeting her family._

_After a four hour drive from a business trip in Texas, the two finally were in Louisiana and Alex couldn't be any more excited as she pulled her 1987 convertible in the suburban home driveway._

"_Here we are."_

_She honked her car and working in her garden was a woman wearing a long summer dress. She was in her early fifties, long natural red hair, sea-grey-ish eyes that were so ridiculously beautiful and she was blowing cigarette smoke out of her round shaped pink lips into the summer's day._

"_Hey Mama!"_

"_Welcome home, darling!" The southern woman smiled._

_It'd been far too long since her little girl had been home for a visit._

"_I brought someone."_

…

_Piper remembers being so petrified, she had to go to the bathroom a countless amount of time as Alex's mother prepared lunch for them._

_From what she's heard, southern parents are usually very overprotective and she wasn't sure whether or not Alex's mother knew they were in a relationship. She knew that they were very close and talked about everything but she's not sure if she's ever been brought up in their many conversations so she was very afraid of saying the wrong things and acting the wrong way._

_She didn't know how to be the college girl her girlfriend brought home to meet her mother. Heck, she couldn't grow a pair of muscles yet to do the same._

"_Are you always so tense, darling?" Diane asked her at some point after lunch._

_Piper didn't know what to say and Alex apparently found it extremely cute and entertaining. Just watching her squirm and stuttering trying to form the correct words to please the southern woman… ooh, joy!_

"_Cat got your tongue?"_

_Alex chuckled. "I'm gonna go grab some more wine." _

_And when she left, Piper started to turn red, didn't know what to do and started freaking out._

"_Can you dance?"_

_Piper nodded. "A little. Yeah."_

"_Okay." Diane flashed her a smile as she got up from the table. "Come with me, kitten."_

"_Kitten?" Piper mumbled to herself as she followed the southern woman around the house._

…

_Alex had been caught up in her mother's fascinating wine collection. Supposedly being the daughter of a rock star, Alex forgot that her mother's wine combination was the absolute best. Diane doesn't do drugs, but she loves wine._

_And by the time Alex brought herself to stop touching everything she saw, she had lost track of time. _

_What brought her back was the music blasting through the stereo in her mother's home. She grabbed three glasses of wine and a fine bottle of red Tuscany and headed back._

"_Pipes?"_

_Alex's face stretched into a smile when she walked in the living room to find her mother and her girlfriend jumping around like juveniles and dancing to Rock N' Roll music on an air bed._

_And they were actually enjoying it with echoes of uncontrollable laughter._

"_What just happen?"_

_Her mother and girlfriend getting along… She supposed that was a good thing but they were dancing together and singing and Alex was jealous because she couldn't count the many times Piper had made fun of her music choice._

_So instead of interrupting, she poured herself a glass of wine and watched them sweat, come short of breath, laugh and have a good time. At that moment, she couldn't be any happier. Her two favorite girls in the entire world were getting along and that's more than she could ever ask for. She felt blessed._

_She finally decided to stop the music and interrupt when she thought they were exhausted enough seeing as though the sun had set and it was starting to get dark. _

_She let Piper finish the rest of her wine as they changed the record player to something more relaxing as all three of them collapsed on the deflated air bed._

"_Al, honey, can you go grab the camera down in the closet for me?" Diane asked politely._

_She needed a minute with Piper alone for some tough love._

"_Sure." Alex smiled._

_It was silent for thirty seconds before they both spoke._

"_I-"_

_She-"_

_They chuckled._

"_You go first." Piper said._

"_She loves you." Diane stated the obvious. "Don't you break my baby's heart now."_

_Piper smiled. It turned out; she had nothing to be terrified about. Alex's mother wasn't the type of parent who asked a million questions in sixty seconds. And just by dancing around together, they bonded and got to know each other. It was fun._

"_I won't." _

_Alex came back and they both grew silent again after their agreement. _

"_Here you go." _

_She handed her mother the camera and sat next Piper._

"_You lovebirds get a little closer and let me take some pictures of the two of you." Diane commended._

_Alex wrapped her arms around Piper's neck and laid her head against hers as the flashes of the camera went by._

"_Is that the best y'all can do?" The southern woman asked._

_Alex rolled her eyes. "Mother…"_

"_What?" Diane chuckled. "You guys are in love so be in love. If you kiss I won't be offended."_

_Alex figured the only way her mother would leave her alone is if she did what she was told. She's been giving Piper room to breathe and warm up to her mother and now that's clearly happened, she can expect them to be best friends because Diane doesn't really dance with everyone of Alex's exes so Piper was pretty special because well, Piper's the only girlfriend she ever brought home._

_It was one of the many kisses they shared but this time around, it was different. Knowing that Alex felt comfortable enough to kiss her and claim her as her girlfriend in front of her mother was… well there's no words for how she felt except for joyful._

_And Piper knew that Alex felt it too._

_._

_._

_._

Hot tears sprung in Alex's eyes as she brought herself back from the memory. She needed to let it all out and then get her shit together and let things rest at peace.

That memory was special and meant everything to her. It reminded her of a time when she used to be happy. Her mother wasn't dying and her relationship wasn't on the verge of ending. Things were so great then.

It just all seemed like yesterday.

"We're gonna get through this." Piper promised as she grabbed Alex's hand and intertwined their fingers. "Together."

She nodded. Alex wanted to believe that she'll get through it because she was already sick of being miserable.

"We're gonna give "us" another try and everything's gonna be okay, again."

Piper meant it and she was ready to fight like hell for some of that happiness back. Things were going to be different.

"Okay." Alex smiled. "Okay."

She leaned into Piper and brushed her golden blonde hair across her neck before placing a kiss at her jaw.

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_I'm not sure I liked how this chapter turned out but it's been a while since I've updated so I hope you guys still enjoyed it. Leave your feedbacks and let me know what you thought._


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